Tales Of A Ratt – Bobby Blotzer

Author: Bobby Blotzer

Released: 2010

Rating: ***

I read rock star auto bios like some women read trashy romance novels. I can’t get enough of them. Like those romance novels, these self-indulgent books often sound the same and share similar themes. The timelines are probably the best example I can think of. The stories usually start out by briefly describing the author’s childhood (some good, some bad). There is a lot of time spent detailing the star’s struggle to get a band together and that band’s quest for the big time. Eventually (or in some cases, inevitably) the band gets signed and their ride to super stardom soon follows. Of course, what goes up, must come down and in nearly every one of these stories, the band’s plummet from the top is nothing short of devastating. Most of the books end with the author and band proclaiming that they are beginning or embarking on a new “chapter” in their career. In most cases, this new “chapter” involves a renewed interest in the band’s music. More than likely, nostalgia has given the band a second chance at life, albeit a less spectacular version of their heyday. Throughout this somewhat predictable time line there’s plenty of booze, drugs, women and infighting.

When I heard that Bobby Blotzer (drummer for 80′s hair band, Ratt) was releasing an auto biography I was somewhat stunned, yet also very curious. Ratt was the first band that I fell in love with. Their debut album, Out Of The Cellar, was the one that got me hooked. Not only on Ratt, but on a genre of music. That being said, drummers usually aren’t the ones writing these tell all tales. Often times, you get the story from a lead singer, a lead guitarist or the entire band itself. Still, a part of me was dying to read this book. Ratt never made it as big as counterparts like Motley Crue or Poison and they were a lot more private about their story.

When I logged onto Amazon to order the book, I read a review that further increased my interest. I also noticed that this was not being released by a major publisher. Within a week the book had arrived and a few days later I finished reading it. Must have been a good read, right? Not necessarily.

On some levels the book was very good. Blotzer does a good job of detailing his early years on the Sunset Strip music scene. If you are a fan of the 80′s hair bands then you will recognize almost all of the names of bands and players that Blotzer talks about. He also does a good job of describing Ratt’s early years, including their eventual rise to fame. It doesn’t take long for the reader to discover that Blotzer feels he is better than most people, including nearly every one of his band mates. Throughout the entire book he offers back-handed compliments and insults about Warren De Martini, Stephen Pearcy and Juan Croucier as well as other L.A. musicians. Some I happen to agree with, others I tend to question. He manages to steer clear of insulting Robin Crosby, probably because he’s dead.

Blotzer would have the reader believe that in some ways, he was the glue that held the band together. He also reminds the reader numerous times throughout the book that he is a businessman and a damn good one. Not sure I agree. He boasts (on more than one occasion) about his ability to drive well while intoxicated and defends that he never should have received a DUI because he drives better  when he is drunk. He also makes it clear that Ratt was not a “drug” band, but points out that Pearcy smokes weed almost constantly and, oh yeah, Crosby died from a heroin overdose.

And Blotzer? Well, in almost every one of his stories he confesses to doing “blow”. He somehow defends this and feels it’s not a habit or addiction because, as he says, “never carries the stuff.” He discusses an evening that occurred in recent years where his then girlfriend interrupted a get together he was having with friends. It was a week night and she was upset about the noise when she was trying to sleep. Blotzer describes the situation by stating that they were just drinking and listening to music and he was doing some blow, “You know, so I could keep drinking.” I am by no means a prude. I wouldn’t read these books if drug use offended me. I just find it completely absurd that he spends half the book defending that he does not have a problem with booze or drugs and the other half talking about doing both.

Toward the very end of the book, after he had described several failed relationships with women half his age, he proclaims that the majority of women in this world have a “princess syndrome”. He just alienated half of his possible audience, which, to me, is very bad business.

Am I being incredibly harsh? Perhaps, but I have read a lot of these type of books and understand why the work. Most of these books describe behavior that the average person would view as unacceptable and in some cases downright repulsive. The way a book like this succeeds is getting the reader to somehow feel empathy for the author, which allows them to forgive them for the things they’ve done. This never happens in Tales Of A Ratt. Honestly, by the end of the book I had determined that Bobby Blotzer seems like a somewhat unlikable person. He manages to point out how unlikable many of his contemporaries are including; Don Dokken, Marq Torien, Blackie Lawless and Tracii Guns, to name a few. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard such things about this cast of characters, but I’d also heard some choice comments made about Mr. Blotzer.

The story of Ratt itself is a heartbreaking one. I’d always known that Ratt was a band that struggled to get along over the years. I wasn’t truly aware how much these guys really don’t like each other. Most shocking is that they were struggling to get along while recording their first album, Out Of The Cellar. Blotzer manages to point out that bassist and Motley Crue mastermind Nikki Sixx is an “ego maniac”. At the same time, he seems genuinely regretful that Ratt never achieved Motley’s level of success, pointing out that the band’s 1990 album Detonator was supposed to be their Dr. Feelgood. Typically, for a band to attain Motley style success they need some sort of vision and a monster sized ego doesn’t hurt either. After completing this book, it became clear to me that Ratt never really had a vision for their career beyond “making it” and that no one in the band every really took control and tried to steer the ship. Blotzer often refers to them as “rock’s underachievers” or “rock’s unluckiest band”. I couldn’t agree more.

This was a low-budget project that at times seems to have skipped the editing process. Portions of the story are repeated unnecessarily and there are some blatant mistakes. Take for example, this excerpt: “First, let me stipulate the ages, so you can get an understanding. When I met Traci, she was 22 and I was 38; 14 year gap. Misty was 21 when I was 41; 19 year gap.” Clearly, this must be new math. There is one moment in the book that is extremely honest, where the reader actually feels bad for Bobby Blotzer and Ratt. After the band broke up (the first time) Blotzer embarked on several business ventures, including a steam cleaning business. He was cleaning a hole-in-the-wall apartment when he looked out the window and saw the L.A. Forum. It was a humbling moment for Blotzer realizing that just a few years earlier his band was selling out arenas like the Forum all over the country and now he was cleaning carpets. Overall, Tales Of A Ratt is interesting enough and diehard Ratt fans will enjoy the book. If you’ve never heard of Bobby Blotzer (which is very likely) and want to read this sort of book, there are better ones to start with.